I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
