im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
