He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
