Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
from now on my penis is your penis
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
