No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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