I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
