just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
