i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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