I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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