drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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