I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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