Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
