Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
