Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
