don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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