Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
