____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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