My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
