Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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