A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How does it feel to date your dad?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
