so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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