I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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