yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
