dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
