Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Terrible idea I love it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
