The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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