If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
