I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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