Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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