I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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