I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
