I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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