the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
