Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
