Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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