Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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