Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
