My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Randomize
