I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
