he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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