the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
