i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
