...so i touched it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
