Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
