she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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