The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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