Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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