I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
