I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
how do you play pong handcuffed?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
