Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
