my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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