I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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