if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
